For an eloquent email, I propose the following and ask you to take on the challenge of all working together to improve my draft (please email me your proposed improvements and I will assemble a better email and share it with you):
Dear Coach Smith (always do your homework and make a personal address):
I would like to introduce myself. My name is Norman Nolastname and I am a rising senior at The Harvey School in Katonah, NY where I have a 3.83 GPA while playing the power guard position on the basketball team for Coach Taylor. I am 6'2, 190 lb and play AAU for the Academic Basketball Club on Coach Krumins' team. I have taken the SAT twice and my Super Score is 2160 (Math = 740, Critical Reading = 700 and Writing = 720). I have taken two SAT2 tests (History = 720 and Math2 = 740). I plan on taking the SAT and ACT this fall.
I am very interested in Exeter College and have filled out the Prospective Athlete Questionnaire on your web-site. My hope is that you saw me play well enough at the tournaments and Hoop Mountain camps. I have put together a highlight video which you can view at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uS-6TiLpr3o If you feel I am at the level you are looking for I am very interested in making an on-campus visit during September or early October. You can reach me at 203-329-0707 and firstname.lastname@example.org. I look forward to talking with you.
Best regards, Norman
Things to note which are NOT mentioned: anything historical which does not apply to the school - this includes stats. If you are a 20 pt/game scorer they will know about it or will see it in your video. If you are All-State or on a McDonald's / Gatorade nominee, they know about it already! If you are an Eagle Scout, have been awarded the key to your city or been honored for saving a life I would be tempted to include it but still wouldn't - they need to choose you based on what they feel you can bring to their Team. The admissions department will want to know the rest. And, you can bring it up when you meet with them. If you are not good enough to improve their Team, in most cases it matters not what else you bring. There are exceptions, of course. Using your best judgment will guide you well.
Harvey Rubin is a College Advisor to parents searching for help navigating the college selection process for their student athlete, as well as helping student athletes identify the "right" colleges for them to Earn A College Uniform and then advising how to achieve their goals. Earn A College Uniform is not about "placement" or talent measurement; it is about understanding the differences of the unique schools and the opportunities for a student athlete to succeed in making a manageable list from the 1300+ colleges and universities to be able to visit and ultimately choose the school "right" for them and their family.
Once the games are done, it is time for the marketing and matchmaking. The top recruits are contacted by the coaches who are trying to sell their programs to the players and hoping to make a match. In almost all cases, we make sure the players know about the schools and it is a matter of presentation, expression of interest and building chemistry. Similarly, for the players not seen as top recruits, it is also time to market and make your own selections. Take a tour to visit many campuses in a geographic area during the summer and narrow the list of potential schools to a list preferred schools and campuses. Then contact the coaches at your preferred schools with an "eloquent email" and ask them to review your video, transcript and scores.
Or, you can contact us. We offer a fee-based service to match you with the schools you are interested in (and helping you to make that list) and the coaches at those schools for them to evaluate your video, transcript and scores to find the match that is “right." We are not a recruiting or scouting service by any means - we are college advisers concentrating on student athletes interested to Earn A College Uniform based on the process we have had success with our Academic Basketball Club AAU program – over the last 10 years, almost every player completing our program has earned offers of college uniforms. We have relationships with coaches at all levels with an emphasis and preference for the top academic schools in the country (and Canada) which helps us to know about the schools, about the students at the schools and the success the graduates have in getting jobs upon graduation - so it is not about placement or talent evaluation, rather it is about helping to figure out which is the "right" school to attend college. We also have long-standing relationships with coaches at most of the boarding schools in New England, New York and New Jersey which is a very good option to consider for many families as the benefits of boarding schools and post grad years go far beyond athletics and help students in many more ways than most people consider. Following the advice of many satisfied families, we are “bottling the formula” and offering it to you so you can Earn A College Uniform.